The Meaning of Relational Love: What the Bible Teaches

What is relational love?

Relational love in Scripture is a self-giving, covenantal bond rooted in God’s own nature and exemplified by Jesus’ sacrifice for humanity.

This love is active, demanding mutual commitment and selflessness, as seen in John 15:9-13 where Jesus commands His disciples to love one another as He has loved them - a love that prioritizes the well-being of others above oneself. Unlike fleeting or conditional affections, relational love is enduring and transformative, reflecting the unity and self-giving of the Trinity.

Distinct from romantic or familial love, relational love in a theological sense transcends natural ties, requiring intentional choice and spiritual renewal. It is covenantal, bound by promises (as in God’s covenant with Israel), and mirrors Jesus’ sacrificial death as the ultimate expression of commitment. This love reshapes relationships, fostering reconciliation and community, and serves as both a divine gift and a human responsibility. By embracing this model, believers participate in God’s redemptive work, embodying His character in a fractured world.

Relational Love in John 15:9-13

Jesus' teaching in John 15:9-13 redefines relational love as an active, reciprocal commitment rooted in obedience and spiritual union.

In John 15:9-10, Jesus declares, 'As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love... If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love,' framing 'abiding' as both a present reality and a deliberate choice. This abiding is not passive but involves aligning one’s will with Christ’s through obedience, which itself becomes an expression of love. The reciprocity here mirrors God’s own relational nature, where divine love and human response are dynamically intertwined.

John 15:12-13 crystallizes this ethic: 'My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you... Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.' Here, love is both a mandate and a model, demanding self-sacrifice that transcends natural inclinations. Christ’s death becomes the ultimate paradigm for relational love’s cost and depth.

This love produces joy not as an emotional byproduct but as a spiritual fruit of alignment with God’s purposes (John 15:11). Jesus’ promise of joy underscores that relational love, though demanding, is life-giving and redemptive. Such love, rooted in Christ’s example, prepares believers to engage the world as agents of reconciliation, a theme explored in the following section on communal discipleship.

Relational Love in the Old Testament

The Old Testament establishes relational love as a covenantal commitment, exemplified by God’s unwavering faithfulness to Israel.

Deuteronomy 7:7-8 declares, 'The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples... but because the Lord loved you' (Deuteronomy 7:7-8), emphasizing God’s elective love rooted in grace, not human worthiness. Hosea 2:19-20 prophesies, 'I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness, in justice, in love and in mercy... I will betroth you to me in faithfulness' (Hosea 2:19-20), illustrating covenantal love as a transformative, redemptive bond. These texts prefigure Christ’s sacrificial love, which fulfills and perfects the covenantal model.

Warnings against covenantal unfaithfulness in Deuteronomy (e.g., curses for disobedience) and Hosea’s laments over Israel’s idolatry underscore the seriousness of relational commitment. Yet God’s pursuit of reconciliation in these passages reveals a love that seeks restoration, anticipating the new covenant established through Jesus’ atonement.

Relational Love vs. Other Forms of Love

The New Testament clarifies that relational love (agape) differs fundamentally from other biblical expressions of love, such as philia (friendship) and eros (desire).

John 15:12-13 defines agape as a self-sacrificial commitment: 'Love each other as I have loved you... Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.' This contrasts with philia, which emphasizes mutual affection and loyalty among equals (e.g., David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18-20). Unlike philia’s reciprocity or eros’s emotional intensity (as seen in the Song of Solomon), agape is unconditional and covenantal, rooted in God’s redemptive purpose rather than human feelings.

This distinction shapes Christian community by prioritizing sacrificial service over transactional relationships. Agape demands active care for the marginalized (Galatians 6:2) and forgives freely (Colossians 3:13), reflecting God’s grace toward believers. By embracing this model, the Church embodies the Trinitarian unity and self-giving that form the foundation for communal discipleship, as the following section will explore in greater depth.

Why relational love Matters Today

In a world increasingly shaped by conditional affection and transactional bonds, covenantal love offers a radical alternative rooted in self-giving.

Unlike relationships built on mutual benefit or emotional reciprocity, biblical relational love demands unwavering commitment regardless of circumstances. Jesus’ command to 'lay down one’s life for one’s friends' (John 15:13) redefines love as active sacrifice, countering the self-interest that often underlies modern connections. This model exposes the fragility of bonds dependent on personal gain, calling believers to prioritize others’ well-being over comfort or convenience.

For believers, embracing this love transforms communities by fostering radical care for the marginalized and forgiveness that transcends natural limits. Such love becomes the Church’s defining witness, embodying God’s redemptive grace in a fractured world.

Going Deeper

To deepen your understanding of relational love, explore key biblical passages like 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25-27, which elaborate on its self-sacrificial and covenantal nature.

1 Corinthians 13 emphasizes love’s patience, kindness, and selflessness, while Ephesians 5:25-27 illustrates Christ-like sacrifice in relationships. Engaging with commentaries or small group studies on these texts can help apply covenantal love to daily life.